Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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