Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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