she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
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I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
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Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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