if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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