do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
