By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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