So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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