Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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