I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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