She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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