I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
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I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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