Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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