he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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