It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize