Your mouth is God's brothel.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
there is glitter all over my balls
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