I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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