I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize