I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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