I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize