Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize