Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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