I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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