Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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