Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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