I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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