i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize