I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize