Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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