i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize