I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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