someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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