I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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