He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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