It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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