i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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