I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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