I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
then he tried to convert me to islam
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
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YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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