All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize