I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
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Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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