Just fell off a train. Bad.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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