alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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