He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
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please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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