Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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