allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
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my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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