Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize