Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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