My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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