you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
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It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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