I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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