dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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